Thoreau's works take me back to exploring my own life and beliefs and discovering when I have chosen to change some of the beliefs I have grown up with. To quote Thoreau, His works were "---responding to ---the decline of people's sense of creative autonomy. (we must) resist a weak and servile received wisdom and search boldly for a more stable and dependable truth." I wrote a poem back in 1985. We lived in Danville, California and I was the clinical leader of the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for Chevron. My office was at 225 Bush in San Francisco. Chevron had just purchased Gulf Oil, whose main headquarters were in Houston, Texas and we knew we would need to have a presence there. After some thought and consultation with Sharen, (probably not enough) I volunteered to move my family to Houston to take on that integration task. My thoughts and justifications at the time were that I would have an opportunity to be more visible, to be on the leading edge of our program, and therefore soon have the opportunity to return to San Francisco as the corporate director of the EAP for Chevron. As I revisit this decision, I suspect that some of my real motives were coming from a "Geographic Cure" to solve all the needs and problems of my family and my marriage.
I made an initial trip to Houston to meet management, make arrangements for office space in their current medical department, and to begin the search for a family home, anticipating that Sharen and I would return to Houston soon on a house hunting trip. As I flew home after spending several days in Houston and accomplishing what I wanted, I was looking out of the window of the plane as we reached our flying altitude and thoughts came to me that became the poem below - "Old Myths - New Truths". Just another peek at the change and growth process in my life.
OLD MYTHS / NEW TRUTHS
When did it start - I thought --
When did my view of the world change?
I wonder who slipped the new filter - over my lens?
Even as I look at the patchwork of fields beneath me on the ground -
They create different images than they used to.
I think - maybe - it was when I traded my telescope for a microscope.
But - I never did really trade it in!
Sometimes when my microscope is teaching me things
I do not want to know - or can not accept - yet,
I just rummage through my closet and find my telescope.
And then everything is a little further away,
And purposely a little out of focus
Then I can fantasize what I want it to be - or what it "Ought" to be -
Instead of what my microscope is telling me it is.
WELL, I WONDER WHICH IS RIGHT?
I suppose I bought my first microscope
When I fell in love as a 16 year old boy
But the eye piece didn't fit very well, so I would switch back - every month or two -
And create some distance - so I didn't have to look too close - too long.
I picked up a new microscope when I went to college,
And wore a couple out during my 2 1/2 years in New Zealand as a Mormon Missionary.
(So many things to look at and so many beliefs that began to fit less comfortably)
And then - I met her - and for 23 years (now 50) I have been
In the laboratory of life - and love.
The technology of microscopy has advanced - over those years.
Sometimes the view is so close, it is startling. Sometimes it's really ugly.
Life - and love - do that to you.
They provide you with the substrate to view yourself -
Or someone else really important to you.
I find - these days - I spend much more time with my microscope,
But it's comforting to know that my telescope is still in my closet.
Please don't ever let me throw it out
R. Bernie Johnson July 1985 - (Somewhere over Texas)
So, just sharing one more writing describing my life's journey. Enjoy!
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